August 5, 2000
Dear Mom, Nanny, Anne, Aunt Anne, Miss Anne,
I can’t begin to write or speak on behalf of all those present who loved mom and whom mom loved. But I am her one and only girl and I was so loved by my mom. She could be my hardest critic and my biggest fan all at the same time. I can’t write about her at this time so I am writing to her.
You have just gone home to God and I miss you so much already but it hasn’t even begun to sink in that you are gone. I got home from saying goodbye to you at Abington Hospital on the early morning hours of August 2nd and as soon as I walked into the house and saw the phone I thought about calling you to tell you what had happened. And then it hit me that you aren’t physically here with us to call you on the phone. So I’m sitting here at the computer writing you a letter. I know that my heart is full of gratitude and I have to begin with some thank yous.
Thank you for getting me back from Mauritania before you left us in body. Thank you for bringing us all together at the hospital for some of the best family moments that I’ve ever had meeting Gregory and Matthew for the first time and getting to see Mike as such a sweet and wonderful DAD. I felt as if you were orchestrating one incredibly beautiful farewell while ensuring that we had each other in this time of overwhelming grief. The night I arrived from Mauritania, Pete had us over to his house for a delicious dinner. Your seven children were altogether and the moments spent together were precious. And we have the greatest photos of our family. I looked at one of those photos just after you died and saw that it was us, your seven children and our spouses and our children and you were not in the picture. It’s true that you were not in the picture physically but you are all over that picture. You are with us in our hearts, in our love for each other, in our respect for life, in our ability to care for others. You did not leave us alone. You left us together. You did that. You had been rejoicing in your children before you went and you knew that you had done a great job as a MOM. You could see it in each of us individually and collectively and then as we gathered at your bedside as your children to say goodbye we held hands and we prayed together. We circled your bed and prayed out loud. I know you were beaming with pride. And proud you should be, Mom. We all talked about how you helped to make us better human beings than we would have been without your love and guidance. You never gave up on anyone of us no matter what curve balls we threw at you.
I can’t tell you how broken my heart feels. I am devastated. You are my mom and my best friend. My reaction to the hospital person telling me that your heart had stopped and you were gone was that it couldn’t be true. “My mom wouldn’t leave me.” But I heard myself say, “You left her.” But you brought me back mom and I am so grateful to you for waiting until I got back and until Mike and Regina and Gregory and Matthew were with us. You waited for Chrissie too. You waited until I said one last decade of the rosary, kissed you goodbye, turned out the lights in your hospital room and told you to get some rest. I was talking to Aunt Katie on the phone and telling her what wonderful progress you had made when the guy came and said your heart had stopped beating.
I don’t blame you for going because I knew that you had gotten a better offer from God and as bereft as I was feeling I had to be happy for you and then I went in to see you and the look I saw on your face was of so much more peace than you ever were going to get in Abington Hospital. They were doing the best they could but you were in pain and you had been so cut up that you were facing a long haul and so when God offered you HIS HAND I understand why you took it. I was praying so hard to override the hand of God. And yet when I saw your face there is nothing I wanted more for you than that peace, the peace that passes all understanding. I want that for you and when I saw you I knew that you had found it and as much as I will miss you and can’t imagine life without you I know that that hand of God is there for all of us and I just have to reach out and ask for HIS help in getting through this.
My grief is so great because you filled my life with so much love. You taught us all how to love and how to keep growing in faith and love as a child of God. You were willing to turn yourself inside out to be able to love each of us as you did. You opened your heart up wider and wider to let more people in.
You loved each of us unconditionally, all your children, me, Bob, Mike, Chris, Frank, Pete and Joe. And you loved our spouses and partners, Mohamed, Regina, Carol, Caron, Chrissie and Sara and you cherished your grandchildren, Nicholas, Jennifer, and Patrick, Laye, Paul, Josh, and Jessica, Matthew, Gregory, and I know you were looking forward to welcoming Pete and Chrissie’s twins Thomas Patrick and Sean Michael into the family. I saw you opening your heart wider and wider to let us all in. I know I didn’t make it easy and my brothers and our spouses didn’t either and as precious as all the children are they didn’t always make it easy either. I tested your patience but I also knew I had your unconditional love and that made me strong. You grew along with us. You were right there with us every step of the way. You learned to accept our foibles and quirks. You worked through all your resistance and gave us more and more love.
I learned the gift of service because you taught me the gift of SERVICE by your example. I know for my brothers all I have to say is “Mrs. Liebowitz” and they know exactly what I am talking about. You were always taking care of people, always reaching out, always willing to lend a helping hand.
As Miss Anne you touched the lives of so many people. You cared so much for those little ones committed to your care and you also cared about your staff. They too were part of your family. We all know that you had 13 brothers and sisters. But your love went out so much further through your work at Melrose and St. Paul’s and your work at St. Anthony’s. I remember our nights together with the homeless. Again you were putting personal preferences aside to develop that love that God asks us to demonstrate – that love of our neighbor. I got that from you mom. I know you thought I was taking it a bit FAR. But you taught me mom that it was a blessing to give, a requirement to share and immensely fulfilling to open my heart to others and learn to love them.
I am going to miss you beyond what I can say in words. But I will follow your example and continue to grow in love. You did a great job with us, your children and we will help each other through this tremendous hole in our hearts, the one you had filled with your love. We have learned to love each other unconditionally and not let any of our foibles prevent us from being there for each other. We will share that love with each other and with the many people that we get to work with, live with, and be with. I will continue to ask God to bless those you loved with His peace and to help us put our trust in Him.
Uncle Dick hovered over your bed in agony but he prayed over and over again out loud, Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. I know you are in heaven. The gyrations you were willing to put yourself through in order to grow in love and faith could not have escaped God’s notice. We have your example to follow. Thank you for loving us. Thank you for making sure that we were all together before you left us. Thank you for being my mom, my best friend, my inspiration and although I am not writing this as I am speaking it I know that your funeral will be overwhelming in the number of people whose lives you touched, the children of Melrose and St. Paul’s and the schools where you were a substitute, their parents and your staff and coworkers, your neighbors like the Wentz’s, your parishes – St. Lawrence’s, Holy Angels, St. Anthony’s, the sisters you cooked for, the sick you administered in the nursing home, your exercise bodies, your neighbors and friends and the uncountable number of people you met over the years. Zemenfes and Cuc are so grateful to you for taking them in. You gave them a great start in the U.S.
In one of your last emails to me in Mauritania you wrote that “I have my work to do and you have your work to do.” “I’ll do my work, You do yours.” I did mine and came home and you did yours and went home to God. I think you wanted to make sure that I would continue to put my faith in God and grow in love and faith.
THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME!!!!! On behalf of everyone here and everyone who could not be with us – THANK YOU FOR LOVING US!!!