I started these jottings before Calamity Tuesday. I wrote two pages of happy memories and humor. Now they seem like so much drivel in light of what has occurred. I will leave them be though since life must go on, even when all we do seems even more trivial than usual. On Thursday morning a group of men who meet weekly and which includes a commercial pilot when he can, bowed our heads in prayer. That pilot, Chad Petersen, was leading us. He prayed, and we with him, these encouraging words:
“The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom do I fear? The Lord is my life’s refuge; of whom am I afraid? When evildoers come at me to devour my flesh, these mine enemies and foes themselves stumble and fall. Though an army encamp against me, my heart does not fear; though war be waged against me even then do I trust. Lord show me your way; lead me on a level path because of my enemies. Do not abandon me to the will of my foes; malicious and lying witnesses have risen against me. But I believe I shall enjoy the Lord’s goodness in the land of the living, Wait for the Lord, Take courage; be stouthearted, wait for the Lord!”
I learned later that it was a quotation from Psalm 27. It is a beautiful and consoling thought which I offer to you all in these days of turmoil. I had a reaction to all the bad news. By Sunday I was physically exhausted and yet had done no more than usual chores. The only explanation seemed to be that all the depressing news and hurt felt for all those involved apparently gave me a “hangover”. I know I was physically exhausted because of the number of naps I took and I did join June though late at a luncheon in Church. Even there I never seem to get revived. June among others commented on my silence, which gave all indications of something being wrong with me. I suppose I feel like most people that you can handle any bad news. I recalled that the feelings I had on Sunday were similar to what I had when I received word that Annie had died. I was numb. My reaction externally was basically none at all, just frozen. I even wrote a few words at that time asking myself why I was acting as I was. Why wasn’t I crying? I guess that part of it could be a lifetime of not allowing one to show emotions or to contrive emotions for effects have taken their toll. I can blame it on being a lawyer most of my adult life. I am sure my experience is not unique and thank you for allowing me to share it with all of you. Now back to the living, and the Jottings as they were initially composed.
********
As the song says, the days dwindle down to September and indeed they have and do. I made a mistake of saying ‘next week’ to someone today when I meant to say ‘next month’, but the way the months are going by they seem to be only weeks.
In my days as a practicing attorney I had a habit, that to some, might have seen morbid. It was checking once in a while if not daily the obituaries. It was business habit encouraged by my father lawyer. It let me know if someone whose will I had written was now in the need of it. Now in the fall of my life I see them more as a reminder of what’s to come and a thank you for another day being given. However, I do have some that I come across which bring other thoughts, like two I saw reported at the end of June. One was that of Mortimer Adler, founder with Maynard Hutchins of the University of Chicago and its Great Books Program. My brother Father Pat once told me that Mr. Hutchins when asked about physical exercise responded, “Whenever the urge comes to engage in physical exercise, I lie down till the feeling passes.” Father Pat was an enthusiastic supporter of that proposition, except maybe for swimming. He did love that. Today an advocate along the same lines is one Sir John Mortimer, creator of the barrister “Rumpole” and of many Television shows for BBC. He remains firmly uninterested in improving his health, beyond the occasional visit to a local doctor who invariably advises him to drink a brandy before going to bed. “I don’t want to go (to doctors) and have checkups in case I have bad news”. He noted further, “I’ve never done anything healthy, really”. So when a doctor says, “Don’t you get breathless when you take exercise?” I can say, “I never take exercise, so I wouldn’t know!” In these days of ‘fitness first and always’ these ideas seem sacrilegious or at least iconoclastic. I have recently being rereading Dr. George Sheehan’s (a runner/writer) last book, entitled “Going the Distance” which was written as he slowly died of prostrate cancer. It is a legal brief on behalf of why fitness makes old age more livable and thus is at the other end of the earth from guys like Hutchins and Mortimer.
The other obit I noted was to my surprise in the New York Times. It was of someone I met very briefly at about 2 AM early one morning in the bedroom. The year was probably 1942-43. I was awakened from my sleep by my brother Joe to give up my bed to his companion of the moment one George Senesky. George was an All American Basketball Player at St. Joseph’s College. The winner of the Helms Foundation player of the year award (1942-43). He later played and coached the Philadelphia Warriors. My immediate irritation of being awaken quickly vanished when I learned whom it was to sleep in my bed. You can be sure all my classmates in school that day learned of my good fortune. Later as a practicing lawyer in Philadelphia I met George’s brother Paul likewise an attorney. He died several years ago down here in Florida. I learned for the first time from this obituary that seven years after George set a school season scoring record of 515 points, his brother Paul broke it. He apparently did so in the ’50 and decided against playing Pro basketball. George coached the Warriors (later the 76ers) to a championship. That team had my old political opponent and friend, Tom Gola as a player. As someone once noted, “Small world isn’t it?”
We had a nice surprise on Wednesday September 19th. It was a visit by Marge and Dan Walsh. They were en route to South Carolina from Sarasota. They had driven down there to attend their son’s Paul’s wedding. The Wedding was Friday night when we had the company of a tropical storm. It was worse in Sarasota area than here and one of the consequences was a lost of power for many for many hours. In fact the newly weds had thought of coming to St.Pete’s Beach and its famous Don Cesar Hotel, but it was out of business due to power failure. We, June and I had a half a day without power, but later learned we were really spared since many were out for a longer time. Marge and Dan were going to their daughter’s home in South Carolina. Marge suffered a broken finger from a fall while in Sarasota so her ride would be even more difficult.
********
Two weeks have passed since that terrible Tuesday. The month is running down to its end and America is slowly getting up off its knees. Hopefully while we were down there on our knees we learned not only that we can be victims, but that we should rely more on the that higher power, the Lord, than on ourselves. I pray with many that now we will seek justice not revenge. It is a time of testing for all those of faith who have been admonished to “love your enemies”. The task of keeping the balance between hatred and seeking justice is a difficult one but I hope we are now up to it. I recall the words of Columnist Frank Rich shortly after the event, “… you grieve for the city whose once indelible profile was mutilated, just like that, on one beautiful September morning. After that you think of your country, and another kind of shock sets in. Something has been lost there too, but not all of what’s gone may be a cause for mourning.” How true! Some of the things are our “illusion of impregnability” but we may have been “awakened from the frivolous”. It is my fervent hope that this is so. It is an old but good idea, to look for the “silver lining whenever clouds appear in the blue”. So we will do so.
This morning, Wednesday September 26,2001, gave me a good and symbolic way to end these jottings and their thoughts. June and I went out in the darkness for one of our usual morning walks. We went out in darkness but arrived on our street as the sun was trying to rise through a myriad of clouds. It was a panoramic show of lights and colors on the horizon. As we approached our home June stopped and said to me, “Turn and Look up!”. I did and beheld a perfect rainbow above me. We seemed to directly under the center of the arc and it went out for miles on both sides in perfect symmetry and color. I can’t recall ever seeing a more perfect rainbow. It was beautiful. But even as we looked the light of the sun breaking through the clouds caused the colors to begin to fade. I thought this is what America needs. It needs to turn and look up! The rainbow of hope will replace the darkness and the clouds that have surrounded us. The rainbow was gone within a few minutes and the clouds won the fight with the sun. It looked like rain was coming to water our lawn.
We wish you all peace in your hearts in these times of turmoil. We pray that the Good Lord protect you and all of our countrymen.