The jottings this month could well be entitled “thoughts while waiting in the wings”. This expression unfortunately and inevitably brings back the memory of Arlen Specter noting, “There’s McSorley still waiting in the wings!” His remark came as Rizzo’s first term was ending and I had been out of office for nearly four years. His tone indicated it was not being said to comfort me, but more to show us all again how successful Arlen was at being on stage and we ‘unfortunates’ had to wait in the wings.
My anticipated time on stage this time is not for a political office either elected or appointed but that of the main character in a play on the performance of a surgery. The surgery is to be on my abdominal aortic aneurysm.
As April 2005 comes to a close, I look back on a month filled with health issues… a month of doctors. It started with muscle and joint aches and pains and ended with me awaiting abdominal surgery. The muscles and joint pains were diagnosed as Polymyalgia Rheumatica or PMR. I also had some skin spots and a rash so my primary physician sent me to a dermatologist as well as a Rheumatologist. The dermatologist discovered one spot that she considered should be surgically removed. So a date for surgery was set for Tuesday, May 3rd. Then came the bombshell on April 22nd, a call from my cardiologist that the latest ultra sound of my aneurysm showed a growth of 1 cm and into the danger area. He set up an appointment immediately with a surgeon. I have had now a CAT scan of the area in anticipation of the surgery. So as the month ends I am awaiting surgery on my face, treatment for my PMR and surgery on my aneurysm. All of which should be somewhat resolved with the next meeting with the surgeon May 2. So April has been a month of doctors, lab tests, and consultations. So now we enter the month of May in which we will celebrate my having become me, referred to as my birthday. I hope by that date, May 16, all these issues of health will be history and thus make it an even more of a celebration.
There is nothing it seems causes more uncertainty in our lives than illness. Where did it came from? What will it ultimately do? When will it, if it will, leave you? Or is this to be with you the rest of your life? What will the treatment do on the one hand to reduce the pain, but produce what are called euphemistically “side effects”? They won’t be side effects when they affect your life and health. Through out all the uncertainty is the hope this medical wizard will bring healing. We have almost instant ‘faith’ in our medical men (or women). It is a faith partly earned and partly bestowed by our hope for relief. “Certainty is the mark of a commonsense life, gracious uncertainty is the mark of a spiritual life” This quote is from a reading I made on the next to last day of April written by O.Chambers. The key, as you can see, is in the ‘gracious’ –ness of your uncertainty. The meaning, it seems to me, is ‘fortunate’ or ‘agreeable’. The Latin word from which it comes—‘gratia’ means which means’ grace, goodwill or favor. The task is then how to be gracious or grateful about not knowing the outcome when it applies to your life. It is only possible through hope, the spiritual gift we call upon daily.
My visit to the Rheumatologist had for me a bit of humor. I had had the pains in my leg muscles and then in other parts of my body for nearly 2 months. We were planning a trip come May so ‘we’ (i.e. June) thought we should check in with the doctor. On hearing the description he ordered blood test and at another visit he informed us the only possible cause was rheumatic. So we got an appointment with a Rheumatogolist. It had to be in some weeks and ended up being the same day as the emergency surgery meeting, April 25th. What was humorous is the way the diagnosis was delivered. I told the doctor I’ve having much pain in my muscles and joints for some time and that it was difficult sleeping. The pains started in my right leg and then eventually spread to my shoulders, my wrist joints, the other leg, etc. He suggested it was PMR but to be sure ordered a blood test, which turned out confirmed this diagnosis. So now I know what I had. Or did I? When I went to find what Polymyalgia Rheumatica was in the medical dictionary, guess what it told me? Just what I told the doctor! Polymyalgia means much or many muscle or joint pains and Rheumatica is a person afflicted with Rheumatism. How revealing these Latin words were to help me know what the disease was! I further learned it comes out of nowhere and can leave in a similar manner. One of the symptoms listed, which I like but haven’t experienced yet, was “Unintentional weight loss”! Then the “Treatment” section got me. It read, “The goal of treatment is relief of discomfort and stiffness. (NO Kidding!) The disease can be very bothersome if it is not treated.” Now there’s a revelation for you if I ever saw one, “very bothersome”. Indeed it is! It is a pain, so who wouldn’t consider that ‘bothersome’ unless he was some confirmed stoic. The treatment is low doses of prednisone, which unfortunately until I get the AAA problem resolved I couldn’t receive. They are corticosteriods which affect the blood so it is understandable I can’t take them .
Another day of testing and a catheterizing of the area produce no clear results. So the doctor is consulting others and will meet with us on May 9th to advise the time and kind of surgery. It seems apparent that the stint idea is now out, and he is talking about a “wrapping” of the area. All of which is not understandable at this stage but will be clarified by the next appointment. (Tune in later for more updates..meanwhile back to the Jottings.…)
For the longest time I have been promising myself that I would read C.S. Lewis’ “Chronicles of Narnia”. Well, I finally did. It was good reading and wonderful trip to another land full of talking animals,trees and figures from mythology. It is not allegory but just an imagining of what and how Christ might appear in another land a lot different from ours. The Lion is the figure of Christ and he visits the land just as we believe He did here and helps to dispel the evils that come to any land. It is a fairy tale. It was like the stories of Harry Potter with the good guys and the bad guys and the good guys winning. (Whose next one comes out in July and millions have already reserved copies!) Now why should an “adult” read ‘fairy tales’? Aren’t they by the nature ‘children’s stories’? As Lewis points out the thought that fairy tales are only for children is a bit of snobbery. What were and are all the stories of the Wild West but fairy tales? The only classification of literature that is, so called, “adult”, is that which is not worth reading anyway, since it usually means it is pornographic. So the alleged intellectual criticism of an adult reading and enjoying a fairy tale is really without any intellectual basis. Looks too at the “Lord of the Rings” another ‘fairy tale’ and its reception certainly was not limited to ‘children’. I consider myself an adult (at least most of the time) and I’m happy to report I enjoyed every one of the seven stories.
My reading took me also to the war in the Pacific via “Flyboys”. It is the story of nine fliers downed over Chichi Jima during the Japanese war. One of them was former President George H.W. Bush, the father of our present President. A submarine rescued him from the waters around the island while the others suffered death and cannibalism at the hands of the Japanese. The author, James Bradley, had written a book about the flag raising on Iwo Jima. His dad was one of those marines. His story was a best seller and one of the readers was a former naval officer lawyer Bert Doran, who had attended the international trial of the Japanese officer who brought about the death of these ‘Flyboys’. It had some gruesome scene of the deaths of some of the men. It likewise gave a great picture of the former President Bush and his sorrow over the loss of his buddies and how lucky he was being saved. Until next time, Pax Tecum!